Show Me Your Friends, and I’ll Show You Your Future

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.

About two weeks ago, I saw that quote on my buddy Tom Lawver’s Facebook.  It has resonated with me ever since.  That truth nugget is about as close as you can get to peering into the future.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that you are who your friends are.  I’ve run in quite a few different circles over the past 20 years, and the way I acted was a direct reflection of who my friends were.  It is very clear that when I look back on the last two decades, the time I was in the most trouble was when I was most deeply rooted in the wrong crowd.  “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I went back and forth on whether I should share this next example with you, as I’ve only shared it with a handful of others. It’s a model that has helped me keep things in perspective, and I believe it’s too valuable to keep to myself.  I’m not saying this exact arrangement is right for everyone, but I strongly believe that it has allowed me to become the person I am today.

Over the past year, I’ve developed an idea I like to call my “Venn Diagram of Friends.”  For those of you who aren’t familiar, a Venn diagram is a simple, two-circle classification model that looks like this:

This Venn diagram encompasses my closest friends.  It is by no means a comprehensive view of those around me; it is, however, an inside look at the type of people I would consider my “inner circle.”  This example is an abstract way of looking at the amigos closest to me (in values, not proximity)—those I most strongly identify with.  They are the friends I surround myself with in order to build into them…and to allow them to build into me.

This two-dimensional view is not meant to demean anyone or to classify friends in a caste system.  It’s neither a hierarchy nor an all-encompassing look at those around me.  In fact, these circles (and the oval specifically) have more than enough room for everyone I know.  Imagine that these circles are elastic—they’ve got the ability to expand indefinitely.  They’re supernatural, limitless circles with boundaries stretching far beyond what you or I could ever fathom.

Okay, so you get what the circles represent, now here’s the explanation of the nature of the people who are in them.  On one side, I have my Christian friends—those I relate to spiritually and whom I can learn and grow with.  On the other side, I have my highly motivated friends—those who are dedicated to a cause and are willing to go to great lengths to achieve their dreams.  In the middle, where the circles overlap, are my friends who fall into each category.  That small oval is where I consider myself to be and where I am encouraging the two circles to supersede.

Please don’t misinterpret any of this: I don’t force anything on any of my friends from either side, or even on those friends and acquaintances on the outside.  Shoving my ideas and values down the throats of those around me is far from a motivating way to impact people. I simply attempt to live my life in the tiny (but ever-expanding) center of those two circles.

My endeavor to bring others into that sliver of figurative overlap isn’t concocted from any secret formula; I let my actions (and respectful, intentional conversations) generate curiosity and provide enrichment in an effort to pull others in like a gravitational force to be reckoned with.  I’m continuously working towards living a life that draws people in because they see the love, joy, and fulfillment that comes from the center.

If you believe strongly in the way you live your life, how can you do anything but encourage those around you to join in your efforts to change the world? Will everyone see eye to eye with you?  Certainly not.  Please don’t think this is my blessing to ostracize those who disagree with you.  Instead of writing those people off, engage them.  Let your actions speak for your views, instead of letting your words and hypocrisy send a mixed message.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.

Find your oval (or join me in mine).  Live a life that attracts others to it.  You won’t believe how much room you’ve got in there.

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